so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize
