I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
