Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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