Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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