I need to stop coming to work sober
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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