I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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