A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
