I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
