I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
