no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
