drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
