first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
