we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He felt like a one man threesome
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
