Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
