I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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