can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
