OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
