i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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