We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
