SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
