i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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