sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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