Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
