Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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