im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
