i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
