I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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