let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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