I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
