When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
