how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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