did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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