I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you would pick up someone in the library
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
