Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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