How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
