I hate all girls vehemently.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
