she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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