Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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