You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I am naked and annoyed.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
