I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
