garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
