And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
