OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
