question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
