ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
false alarm, still single
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
