Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
