Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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