I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
