**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
