Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
