he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She has the best kind of daddy issues
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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