i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
