Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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