she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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