And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
