Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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