Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
