Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
