Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
