he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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